Coming off of my worst run yet on Monday, I finally got to the gym last night to give it another go.  I am in W3D2 of the B210K program, and I had my doubts after being so miserable on Monday’s run.

I got to leave work a little early yesterday, so when I got to the gym, I was a little out of sorts (i.e. I didn’t know what shows I could watch during my run on the treadmill, different crowd, had to run on a treadmill in a different area of the gym, etc.).  Once I settled in on a treadmill by the windows (warmer in temperature, but better view), I channel surfed until I could find something to easily follow as I started my intervals.

To my surprise, the run went better than I thought.  Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely a challenge, but I did it.  I felt that my breathing was much more relaxed, and although I felt the occasional creak in my joints, pains in my muscles, side stitch, I managed to run through it all knowing this was all part of the mental game.

The only problem that came up that I couldn’t quite figure out how to get around was my inability to take deep breaths.  For some reason, it was just hard.  Knowing that my breathing was much less labored than normal (at least for the first interval), I didn’t know what was up. 

So with another 4.75mi under my belt, a new blister on my foot, and a huge smile on my face, I am ready to finish out week 3 this weekend.  Saturday calls for my first day running outside with my training group for the 4mi/7mi race in June.  The nerves have kicked in and the questions of doubt have started to pour in, “Can I do this?  What if I am not as good as I think I am?  What if it hurts too much?”.  Regardless, after last night’s run, my confidence is in a much better place than it was on Monday night and I’ll finally be able to gauge my abilities.  I may not be able to run as far as I do on the treadmill, right away, but I won’t be at square one anymore.  I know I can run further than I did the first day I put on those sneakers and said, “Ok, let’s do the damn thing”.

Failure is not falling.  Failure is not getting back up.

Let me first start out by saying, I am a Redskins fan.  I know, I know, I can almost hear the verbal assault from here.  But since I’ve been born, they have been my team and I’ve been loyal.  Back in the day, saying I was a fan wouldn’t need such a caveat, but seeing their record today, you can understand why it is needed.

They aren’t the worst team in the NFL, but as most Redskins fans dream of a Superbowl victory during the first few passes of pre-season warm up, they quickly realize by game 7 that making it to the playoffs will be a struggle, if not, a humiliating journey of fumbles, missed calls, and stupid decisions made by an unworthy owner.  It’s just how it has gone the last few seasons.

So, why spend my time posting a blog about the Redskins?  Because, they paint the perfect metaphor for my running experiences the past few weeks.

Like the Redskins, I gallantly started running step by step.  Slowly picking up momentum and distance over the weeks, my confidence began to inflate.  Then, by about game 6 in their terms, I had an unbelievable run.  5 miles, the furthest I had gone, and it wasn’t with the level of effort/pain I’ve experienced in the past.  My confidence soaring now.

Monday night, meet game 7.  This is the point in season when the Redskins inevitably bomb…as did I.  I stepped on that treadmill, wishing that my run would go just as smoothly as my run two days prior.  It did not.  It was probably the hardest run I’ve done, and one of the most pathetic attempts to date.  FUMBLE!

I don’t know if it was because I attempted to do my 4.75mi run on a treadmill at a gym that didn’t have personal TVs on the equipment (something I am used to at my normal gym), or that it was hotter/muggier in the gym, or that the 17/1 intervals were just too long, but I could not focus…for the life of me.  I wasn’t into it at all.  I did end up running 4mi, but there was a lot more walking involved then was mandated by my training app (thank goodness it was an app, and not a real person, or else they would have been sorely disappointed in me).

Tonight I am getting back on the proverbial horse, so to speak, to make my attempt at W3D2, but I’ve got my doubts. It’s really frustrating to go from a really great run, to a really horrible run…you begin to doubt yourself “maybe I’m not as good with this running thing as I thought”.  I know the good runs are few and far between, but the bad runs really set you back.  I know that learning to except these ups and downs is all part of the journey, but it’s not easy.

This weekend, I challenged myself to finish the second week of the Bridge to 10K training plan.  The goal was to run approximately 4.5mi, doing three 15min run/1min walk intervals.  However, for me, because I run slower than 6mph, I usually have to tack on an extra half interval just to keep up with distance. 

The same was true for my run Saturday.  I ran an even, slow, pace and started to actually enjoy the first two intervals.  I started to get a little stiff on the third interval, but something I could easily run through.  Once the demanded three intervals were done, I proceeded running until I met my 4.5mi challenge…but I still had something left in the tank, and I wanted to see if I could reach my goal of 5mi. 

You see, every year about this time, my father begins to taunt me, asking if I will run the annual 2mi race at our summer home which is always held on Father’s Day weekend.  Because this community 2mi/5mi run falls on Father’s Day weekend, I always seem to get a good dose of guilt to accompany each inquiry. Every year it is the same.  I have never run it with him; rather, I have never been able to run it with him…until now. 

I knew I could do the 2mi race with him, not a problem.  After all, these days, 2miles seems more like a warm up, than a challenge (never thought I would say that).  But the 5mi race, that was still out of reach.  Something I have wished I could secretly train for, anticipating the call I would make telling my father that not only was I “in” for this year, but I was “in for the 5”. 

That call happened on Saturday.

Look, I know that that 5 miles wasn’t pretty.  It wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination…and I didn’t enjoy running the majority of it.  But the race is 2 months away, and if it only took me 10 weeks to stand here and say I have gone from not being able to run a half mile, to being able to run 5 miles, who knows - maybe I’ll be able to run both races (7miles total) by that festive day in June. 

I’m proud just running the 5miles, hell - I’m proud just running the 2 miles, but you better believe that after I conquer one goal, I’ve got the next just waiting to be attained.

Monday Morning Motivation.

(Not sure that I want that tight of a body, but I like her drive, perseverance, and well, just all around attitude.  Go Dara!)

There is a significant ritual I go through each time I head to the gym for another workout.  I usually start the day off feeling excited about the workout ahead of me, but also being keenly aware that it is several hours ahead of me, and there is plenty to distract me in the meantime.

As the hours near to gym time, I begin to get a little anxious.  It’s just the thought that I am going to have to challenge myself.  There are no longer the negative thoughts of, “I can’t do this”, or “What if I fail” that used to plague my gym routine, but it’s just knowing I need to go and push myself physically, when in reality, all I want to do is curl up on the couch for the night.

Regardless, after a fair amount of intentional procrastination, I finally change into my workout gear before I leave the office so there is no opportunity to drive past the gym, claiming, “well, I’m not dressed…no one will know”.  I find a parking spot, take the very slow elevator down to the gym, and scan my key card for entry.  By this point, I’m in it. I’m in the zone of, “Ok, you’re here, let’s just get this done!  There’s no turning back now.”  Whereupon, I jump on a treadmill and in the proveribial sense, I kick my own ass.

That is normally how the story goes each gym night, with the exception of last night!

After all the bologna I went through to get to the gym, once I was there, all…and I mean all of the cardio equipment was occupied.  That left me standing there idle, completely awkward, trying to subtly stare everyone down waiting for my chance to pounce on the next available machine.  I hate that. 

I understand that everyone and their mother is in the “oh crap, beach season is coming up” mindset, but I’ve been sweating it out solo style in that gym for the past 4 months while everyone was out slugging beers and gaining bigger bellies (hence, why they are now at the gym), just seemed to add to my frustration that I couldn’t just get in and get out like I had intended.  It is what it is, and something I will have to just deal with, but it annoyed me last night.

On a more positive note, I learned that running 4.5 miles (thank you week 2, Day 1 B210K training) is harder than running 4 miles, but totally worth the effort.  I am headed to the gym tonight to knock out some mileage on the elliptical, so here’s hoping I don’t have to start resorting to this behavior in order to secure my place in the cardio wing.  It is not, however, above me to consider it!